like the odyssey, but on land. and in asia.

Summer Camp

2009-07-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody!

Only two and a half weeks from home! Exciting times.

So, currently I'm teaching English Summer Camp, and today we did a story activity where the students had to read a fairy tale in English, answer some questions, then come up with an alternate ending. What a stellar activity this turned out to be....

One group had "The Ugly Duckling." They had two alternate endings:
"Change the Ending 1:
The ugly duckling's mother and siblings didn't like her, so they killed her.
How to kill her?
1. Enticed her.
2. Took her to a lake.
3. Forsook her.
4. Hunter found her and killed her.
This method was excellent.

Change the Ending 2:
The ugly duckling became a beautiful swan.
So, she fall in love with another beautiful female swan.
Oh no!
So, they are lesbian now."

How did they know the words "entice" and "forsook?" I have no idea.

Another had "Heidi"
Theirs didn't have much English, but it had some wonderful comic book drawings depicting, first, Peter pushing Klara's wheelchair off a cliff, then Heidi jumping after her to save her. Both die in the ensuing crash. Then, Heidi and Klara come back as ghosts and haunt Peter until he commits suicide.

Another group had "The Snow Queen," and, though I don't have a way of showing their drawings, I wish you all could see the spectacular frame depicting the Snow Queen (who is entirely blue) lurking around a corner waiting to pounce on the Princess. How amazing.

I love these kids. So damn creative. (Also, kind of dark, but whatev.)

Homeward

2009-05-20T16:47:00.001-07:00

Hey folks, I just bought my ticket home! I'll be coming home the afternoon of Aug. 7th, and, due to some time zone factors that I don't pretend to understand, I'll arrive earlier that day in Chicago. Then, I'll have about five days in Hartford to get my life together before I send my stuff Virginia-ward and fly down to move myself into my dream apartment in Charlottesville. (That's actually not meant to be sarcastic. My new apartment is a beautiful one-bedroom in a nice, quiet area. The landlords live upstairs, and they keep a garden and a dog and both work in the wine industry. Need I say more?)

This will all be a bit rushed, of course, but this was necessitated by the terms of my contract, which have a bunch of clauses regarding what I must do to actually finish the contract. Basically, it came down to the simple fact that this was the earliest I could leave while still getting my severance pay, which is fairly substantial. So, while it sucks that I only have ten days to see all the people in Wisconsin and move myself to Virginia, such is how it must be. I start classes at UVA on Aug. 17th--we have a week-long prep course on research, then we start the semester promptly afterward.

Now, regarding my two-month long neglect of my blog: I really have no excuse. It was just one of those situations where things keep popping up, and then all of the sudden your mother is sternly reminding you of your duty to your readership. So, my apologies, folks.

It's hard to believe I have only about two months left here. I'm only teaching for another two weeks! I'm really going to miss my kids. Some highlights from the last few weeks:

We did speaking tests where the kids had to say three sentences about a story they had read. I got a lot of incidental mistranslations that were entertaining ("Jack and the Bean Tree," "Three Little Pig Sisters," "White Snow and the Seven Little Persons"--surprisingly politically correct, actually). My favorite by far, however, was a girl who told me the Snow White story. Now, to fully appreciate this, you must first be passingly familiar with Korean student uniforms. At the end of May, the students switch to their summer uniforms, and the girls wear navy skirts and white button-down blouses with a kind of square sailor collar in navy blue that extends a few inches down the back of their shoulders.

So, anyway, she sits down and says, "Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess Snow White. But, her stepmother is evil queen." Here she pauses to flip up her sailor collar and hunch her back. "Evil queen say, 'I kill Snow White!'" (Imagine this in a Korean girl's imitation of an evil queen's voice, complete with snarl and claw-hands.) Pause to un-pop collar. "But, evil queen die. Moral of the story, do not be evil queen."

So wise, these children are.

Now, as you may or may not know, my sister Shannon is coming to visit me in early July on her way to Auckland (her and her boyfriend David are moving there for a year or two). So, I told my students about this last week (they're absurdly excited about this--they have a thing for meeting young Americans) and had them write letters to her to introduce themselves. I told them a little bit about her, and showed them a picture of her, just to give them a sense of what she's like. Now, as I have 750-odd students, I obviously did not send out all of the letters, but I sent along the best-written and most entertaining ones. Here are my favorites:

"Hi. My name is Kim Chang Hoon. English name Jake. I'm 16 old. Welcome to Korea in Deokjeong.
How are you? I'm fine. Nice to meet you. I'm happy you come to Deokjeong.
I'm 3 Grade in middle school. I'm very very sexy guy but very very cute boy. My eye smile. Girls die. Because I am so cute.
You are beautiful girl.
From: sexy and cute guy Kim Chang Hoon."

"Hi I'm cool boy.
My Korean name Eng Guy Go and my English name Michael.
I want so cool life.
and my hobbies are play the violin
and classic listen.
We are the one. I'm your cello and my violin open the orchestra.
From Michael"

"Hello Shannon!
You are very beautiful girl! We are same. I am pretty girl too! We are friends.
My Korean name Kim Ji Eun. English name Olivia. Nickname....um....I don't have a nickname.
New summer very hot summer! Ice cream! Need!
I am happy to meet!
From Kim Ji Eun."

why I'm excited about grad school

2009-04-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

So, I've been emailing professors in the past few days to introduce myself, as I've not yet had the chance to meet them yet will likely end up spending a great deal of time with them come fall. I emailed one professor specifically because she works in the Renaissance/Medieval periods and also is the job coach for the program. I was asking about course choices--I had heard that the job market looks favorably upon candidates who can cross over between the Renaissance and the Medieval periods, and this is something that is important to consider as I choose classes for next year. Basically, I wanted to know if this was true or not. She responded that, yes, it was true to a certain extent, but that I shouldn't let that fact dictate my course choices, as "grad school is also about expanding your intellectual horizons for the sake of expanding your intellectual horizons."

That is why I'm excited about grad school. I can study what I want simply because I want to study it. Essentially, I'll be paid to learn. This is quite possibly the coolest thing ever to happen in my life.

My course plan for Fall 2009: Milton seminar (the Milton professor, James Nohrnberg, seems rather jaunty and witty. I think I'll enjoy him). Critical Theory seminar. Old English (Dead languages are just so much more fun than practical languages. I'll need to learn some Latin as well. Probably Greek, maybe some Hebrew. Thanks, Milton, for setting the bar so low...).

On an unrelated note, here are some things that I enjoy:

Pearls Before Breakfast
This is an article by Gene Weingarten for the Washington Post. It won a Pulitzer. It's fantastic. Written about Joshua Bell performing in a subway station in downtown DC. Be warned: it's a bit long-winded, but worth it to read to the end.

This American Life: "Remember Me"
This is an episode of This American Life on NPR. The whole episode is really interesting, but my favorite part is at around 19:50, the story told by the bus driver. It's only about a minute long, but it almost made me cry. The best part is the disparity between the man's manner of speaking and the story he tells. Really fantastic.

Abstract City
This is a blog in the NY Times written by Christoph Niemann, an artist currently living in Berlin. It's really creative, quite clever, and often funny. Look at some of the previous posts as well. My favorite is "I LEGO NY."

"Why We Travel"
This is a slide show in the NY Times done last year. It features photographs taken by readers who then submitted a brief description of why they travel (sometimes specific to the location pictured, sometimes just generally). Beautiful, fascinating, and full of great ideas for places to travel in the future!

Hope you enjoy these as much as I did. This was fun to think about--if you could direct someone to four articles/blogs/media of some sort on the internet, which would you choose? These would probably be mine.

land of the virgins

2009-04-20T04:24:00.000-07:00

I've pirated some photos from my friends (perhaps that's an insensitive verb nowadays?), so, if you'd like to see my campus-to-be, go here!

April 15th is awful for reasons other than taxes...

2009-04-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

So, I'm headed to Virginia next year, folks. After receiving a last-minute offer of admission and a 12-hour window in which to make my decision, I ended up going for the University of Virginia. This is for several reasons--they have a better financial package, and the school is more distinguished and has a better reputation than Irvine. The faculty fit my needs better (which is one of the most important elements of the decision), and Charlottesville is just a cool city--bike-friendly, kind of hippy-ish in a pleasingly Madisonian way, and really indebted to Thomas Jefferson, which is cool. How cool was T-Jeff? Really cool. He founded the school, designed the Rotunda at U-VA, and came up with a lot of the basic tenets of the school and its mission. Also, he was democratic in the coolest, most Greek way possible, and he gardened and studied architecture, art, philosophy, and many other cool things. He also played violin and was fluent in French. When John F. Kennedy gathered a group of Nobel Prize winners at the White House in 1962, he said, "I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent and of human knowledge that has ever been gathered together at the White House – with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone." (I kind of have a crush on Thomas Jefferson.)

Anyway, Charlottesville is also super close to the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Shenandoah National Park (both are gorgeous). The cost of living there is also much cheaper than in California, so my (larger) stipend will go much further--as in, I'll be able to afford to live alone, which is just great.

I'm really happy with my decision, and very excited to start school again next fall. One result, both good and bad, of this choice is that I'll be coming back to the US about a month earlier than planned--probably late July. I have to be in Charlottesville ready to go as of August 17th, and I'll need a few weeks prior to that to get my life in order. So, I'll be seeing all of you, if briefly, earlier than expected!

It was really great to end up with a choice of grad schools, even if I only had a day to decide (April 15th is the absolute deadline for making your decision, and I received VA's offer the morning of April 14th). I think this is going to be a great situation.

Wow.

2009-04-02T16:08:00.001-07:00

Update: Last night, I slept for 13 hours. No, that is not a typo. Wow. I took one melatonin at 7.30, promptly fell asleep. Woke up at 2.30 am, took one more melatonin, fell asleep after watching 15 minutes of Elizabeth on TBS. Woke up at 7 am. Felt great, not surprisingly. Currently (4 pm) drinking more coffee and using free wireless at Corner Bakery for an inappropriately long period of time (manager is beginning to glare at me).

Tonight the rest of the folks arrive (I came a day early so I had some time to recover from jet lag. Turns out, between coffee and melatonin, I'm all set.), and we have a little drink meeting in the hotel bar. I won't be drinking. I think mixing alcohol with my already-unhealthy mixture of caffeine and sleeping pills would be a bad idea (I'm sorry, body. No, I don't hate you.). "Pellegrino for me, please. I need something to wash down my weirdly large sleeping pill. Thanks."

More to come on the rest of my sojourn in California.

OC

2009-04-01T17:41:00.000-07:00

Just arrived in Irvine, everyone! Currently trying to stay up until such a time as is actually feasible for sleeping. More difficult than it sounds.

So, my first (half) day in the US has been filled with many surprises, both good and bad.

Unpleasant surprise #1: Cab rides are expensive here.
I took a cab for the 3 miles between the Orange County airport (John Wayne Airport--really, Orange County?) and my hotel. It was $11.40. That same cab ride in Korea would have been 1900 won (less than $2), with time to spare. And, the cab driver in Korea would have thrown in a bit of awkward Korean cabdriver conversation free gratis.

Unpleasant surprise #2: Jet Lag.
It sucks, folks. My afternoon was spent wandering a mall with four (yes, four) successive Starbucks drinks in an attempt to not pass out in the middle of the afternoon (I learned that the Orange County mall has not one but two Gucci stores, as well as three other stores that sell Gucci products. Is anyone surprised? No.). As I write this, I've been up for 25 hours straight and, in that time, have had 5 1/2 coffees (2 coffees, 3 1/2 coffee-based drinks). My evening (at which point it will be 28 hours straight) will consist of dinner with a side of melatonin so that I can fall asleep promptly at 8.* How did I manage to stay up so long, you ask? Here's my secret itinerary:

12 pm: Arrive at hotel. Shower to remove gross travel feeling.
12.30 pm: Stare vacantly at wall for half hour deciding whether or not to nap. Decide not to.
1 pm: Go to mall (I didn't really have a choice--nothing else within walking distance.) Buy coffee. Wander around mall so that you keep moving and don't pass out.
2.30 pm: Buy coffee.
3 pm: Buy new messenger bag because old one makes you look like a hobo ("Hey, Nick, what's this stain on your messenger bag?" "I don't remember." "Ooh, what about this one?" "Ok, we're done talking about the stains on my messenger bag, ok?")
4 pm: Buy coffee and sandwich. Sit at Starbucks and stare vacantly at magazine rack for half an hour.
4.30 pm: Write blog post in sleep-deprived stupor, while drinking coffee.
5.00 pm: Random old man asks you about Conflicker worm. You stare blankly at him for a while before you realize he is talking to you. This helps you realize it's time to leave the mall and go back to the hotel. Mumble something about Apple computers and finish your coffee.

Unpleasant surprise #3: Breast implants.
Need I say more?

Pleasant Surprise #1: Ordering in English!!
I can speak English to the wait staff and it works! I don't have to mime the food I want in order to eat successfully! Blissful.

Pleasant Surprise #2: Bathtubs!
Korea doesn't do baths. Or, at least not in apartments. So, even though my hotel room's bathroom is kind of gross (Hello, weird crack in bathroom floor, why are you there? More importantly, where does the water go when it falls into you?), I will still be taking a wonderfully hot bath. (Note to self: don't fall asleep in bathtub. That's bad news. It will probably have to be bath plus coffee.)

Pleasant Surprise #3: Coffee really does taste better in the US.
It just does, kids. Plus, it's cheaper and stronger. Trust me, the last five hours have made me an expert.

*Don't try this at home, kids. I'm pretty sure my body won't be happy with five hours of straight caffeine followed directly by sleep-inducing neuro-chemicals.

A little bit of everything

2009-03-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

Hello again, and apologies again--I try to do a post every week, and then important things like food or NPR or a nap get in the way and all of the sudden I'm behind schedule again. I'll try to do better in the future.

There's nothing new to report on the grad school front. I'm still waiting on my three wait lists (they're aptly named). I have a good shot at Rutgers, I think--I'm near the top of their wait list. U-Penn doesn't rank their wait list, and the email I received from Virginia was all of two lines long, so there was not much information to be had. So, we shall see. Oh, and I also got accepted to NYU's Masters program, but without funding. This is kind of a compliment, I suppose, but when you apply for a fully-funded Ph.D. program and they respond with an unfunded MA offer, it still hurts like a punch to the crotch. I obviously can't afford to pay them $33k for their one-year program, especially given that I'd have to support myself in NYC, so I'll have to turn them down. Or, as my dad said, "Tell them they can shove their [expletive deleted] offer up their [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]." I'll be more diplomatic than that, of course.

I'm about a week away from my trip to California, which is exciting. I foresee a trip full of sun, sunburn, suburbanism, and overspending, in keeping with the local traditions. I think it will be strange being back in the US. I'll be able to walk around looking Caucasian without being stared at, for one. (Deokjeong isn't very diverse. 99.9% Korean. And me.) Having a tattoo won't automatically put me on the same social plane as, say, an escaped convict or someone wearing assless chaps. (Getting a tattoo in Korea is illegal. Having a tattoo in Korea is either endlessly enthralling, to a middle school student, or vile and repugnant, to the old ladies who sit next to me on the subway.) I'll have to stop talking to myself so much, though. (This is apparently not only OK in Korea, but pretty normal. I take this opportunity to sing to myself. Most recently, Gladys Knight. Do I look a little crazy? Yes. But the entertaining kind of crazy, not the hide-your-child kind of crazy. I'm usually wearing a tie, after all. Come on. You couldn't be truly insane in business casual even if you tried.)

Anyway, wish me luck in California! I'm going to impress a lot of professors with my charm and grace and intellect. (False. Really, what I'm going to do is try to be as not-awkward as possible. This is difficult, because I get really flustered around faculty in this kind of situation and then say and do awkward things.
Example: [Scene: office hours] "Nick, come on in, have a seat." "Hi, Professor, my name is Nick." "Yes, I know your name, I just used it." "Blerg."
Example 2: [Scene: walking through Library Mall near fountain in opposite directions] "Hello, Professor!" "Hi, Nick, it's nice to see you." [Professor offers handshake.] "You too!" [I fail to see offered handshake. Run into hand. Hand is unfortunately placed at crotch level.] "Well, uh, Nick, I'll see you on Monday."
Example 3: [Scene: meeting about thesis with thesis advisor. Winter.] "...so, I was thinking that I could make this the focus of my next section, but--" "Um, Nick, I think your nose is bleeding." "Oh." [it is.] "Here's a Kleenex. Try not to bleed on your draft, if you can." [too late.] "Um, thank you. Excuse me, Professor."
This is how my awkwardness functions--in small but memorable ways. It's never one of those crushingly awkward moments that you can just laugh off. It's always innocuous but insidious, the kind through which you can still hold a conversation but which brands you forevermore as "that guy whose crotch I accidentally touched" or "Oh, the one with the blood-spattered thesis, yes." It's hard to recover from that. You can't undo a crotch-touch. You see why I'm concerned.) So, anyway, the goal is to minimize awkwardness and maximize diction and clarity of speech. We'll see how things go.

I'll of course keep you all updated as things unfold. It's kind of crazy to think that, in three weeks or so, I'll have a definite idea of where I'll be living next year! Then, of course, comes the ordeal of finding an apartment in whichever city, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I neglect my blog.

2009-03-07T05:47:00.000-08:00

Hey folks! My apologies for the long silence. I'm a negligent blogger. This is a running trend in my life. I have a brown thumb--any plant that enters my home dies of drought and depression within a few weeks. My last fish, Sam (short for Salmon. I thought this was very clever at the time.), once went without food for around three weeks or so. In my defense, it was during the Olympics, so I was very busy watching NBC for hours at a time. Anyway, the remarkable part was that somehow my neglect failed to kill him. He didn't die until months later, when (while under my mother's care, I might note) he committed suicide by jumping out of his bowl. My mother claims to have found him dried to the tablecloth. I suspect foul play. It was most certainly pescecide, and we all know who the culprit was. Mom never did like fish.

In any event, I have good news! I was accepted into a graduate school! Yes, somehow I managed to pull the wool over the eyes of UC-Irvine, and they've accepted me into their Ph.D. program, currently with four years of funding and likely with five. Hooray! This is especially exciting because Irvine is ranked #2 in the nation for their literary theory program, and that's precisely what I hope to study. It's really exciting. I'm also on three other wait lists: University of Pennsylvania, University of Virginia, and Rutgers University. I really have no idea what my chances are with the wait lists, so we will just have to wait and see. If one of them comes through with an offer, however, I would likely go to any of those three over Irvine. This is for a combination of reasons, not least of which is that I really want to live on the East Coast. I won't know more about my status with those schools until late March or early April, however, so now we wait once more. I still have yet to hear either way from four of the fourteen schools to which I applied.

Further good news on a related front is that Irvine is having an accepted students' weekend--a kind of informational/social get-together where the students to whom the school has made offers can come and see the campus, meet the faculty, and get a general idea of what the school is like before making their decision. The goal here is to help us make a more informed decision, but really they just want to sell their school hardcore. In this spirit, the two-day Irvine weekend includes a half-day trip to the beach, which is rather hilarious given the fact that we're all a bunch of really geeky English majors. Picture Revenge of the Nerds meets Baywatch! and you'll have a pretty good idea of what this will look like. I of course will work on my sunburn and perhaps ineptly throw a frisbee for a bit. (I always envied those really graceful people who throw a frisbee while standing in the surf. My own body opts less for grace and more for oafery, so I always end up tripping on waves [yes, it's possible], stepping in sandcastles, mowing over small children, etc. I'm oh so suave.)

So, the moral of the story is that I'm going to California for the first weekend in April. The school offers a small travel stipend to every student, but when I explained my situation (Korea, that is), they offered me more money and a few extra nights in the hotel as well. So, seeing as, with the stipend, it will only cost me personally perhaps $100 to go to California for 5 days, I jumped at the chance. It should be great! It will also be very strange to be back in the US, I think. I've gotten so used to being in Korea, to being surrounded by people who don't understand me and whom I don't understand. This is actually potentially dangerous, because when nobody understands you you can talk to yourself, talk about the people around you, or sing to yourself (yes, it's been known to happen) and nobody cares. I'm going to have to cut down on the extemporaneous conversations with myself while in the States, I think. But, it will be very exciting, especially for one very important reason: cheese.

How much have I missed cheese, you ask? Oh, I reply, tell me, how much does a fish miss water? (You actually could have asked Sam about that, had Mom not mercilessly dispatched him to Fish Heaven, aka the septic tank.) Cheese is my one true love, and Korea, it should be noted, is a no-cheese zone. It's awful. The only cheeses you can find are shredded "mozzarella" in a ziploc bag and "sandwich cheese" pre-sliced and in Kraft Singles packets. These are not cheeses. But, in California, I will once more be able to revel in the glories of dairy. It will be glorious! Is it sad that I'm maybe more excited about the availability of dairy products than about my graduate school? Perhaps. But you try going six months without Parmesan and then we'll talk.

Letters to Rego Teacher

2009-02-15T21:17:00.000-08:00

So, this week my co-teacher Mi Hee had her students write me letters because she had nothing else for them to do. Then she gave them to me to read. They were fantastic. Here are the three most entertaining:

#1:
Dear Rego.
Hi Rego! My 2-1 21 number Han Cha Hee. Rego handsome boy. You face young man. You very long tall. You small boy. You very teacher.
Happy new year Rego!
2009.2.16 Monday Han Cha Hee -----> Rego

(The second sentence was her class, 2-1, and her number in the class, 21)

#2:
To: Rego
Hi Rego Nice to meet you
You know me?
I know you and you give me High Score!
I l...lo...lov...l..l.ov...lo..v..lo... just like you.
I'm Am Jung Min know?
See you later

#3:
To ♥REGO♥
HELLO! HI!
My name is Se Young Kim.
I want English very well.
Ha Ha Ha Nice to meet you.
How about Korea????????????
You look very tall. I worry. I'm short! 158 cm.
Drink Milk~? OH
UM I like candy!
Please me, thank you
Have a nice day BYE
From 2-1 Se Young Kim

Hope you all enjoy them as much as I did.

V-day

2009-02-08T22:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! As a special Valentine's Day treat, I'm going to describe a Korean Valentine my friend Maggie got from her student:

Fish #1 (smiling): "I'm so happy! ♥" Fish #2 (also smiling): "I so love you!" Crying whale: "Give me a love too!"

Leave it to Korea to encapsulate the joy, love, incapacitating loneliness and third-wheelism of the holiday into one tiny Valentine. Well played.

Now, as if Valentine's Day weren't ridiculous enough on its own, Korea actually has two. The first, on Feb. 14, is when women give candy to men. The second, "White Day" on Mar. 14, is when men give large expensive presents to women. (Korea's all about breaking down traditional gender stereotypes. A telling example: Sun Hwa, one the youngest and most beautiful teachers at my school, celebrated Christmas with her boyfriend, since Christmas isn't a big family thing in Korea. "Sun Hwa, what did you do for Christmas?" "Well, my boyfriend and I, we went to movie theater. And, he give me present." She shows me her brand new cell phone/camera, a shiny new iPhone-esque instrument, one of those soul-crushingly technological ones with the touch screen that my fingers can't work and the flashy display that hurts my brain. She hands it to me. I poke at it ineptly and promptly take a picture of my foot. "Wow, Sun Hwa! That's awesome! What did you give him for Christmas?" She laughs. "Me." Ah, of course.)

Well, needless to say, V-day is a big deal here because dating is a big deal here (my grandma would love it here, if she could get beyond her pesky digestive problems and racism). Couples hold hands, wear matching shirts (yes, really), the men hold purses for the women (sometimes its hard to tell which purse is which because murses are huge over here--often of the stylish fake-Gucci variety), etc. It's like a horrible episode of the Make Nick Vomit show. PDA doesn't really bother me, but cutesy crap really does. I know, I know. "Then why did you come to Korea, of all places?" I should have prepared myself. My city's mascot is a cartoon chestnut, for Christ's sake. (Yes, I'm serious. His name is Tori. He's friends with Nari, the other mascot, a cartoon Forsythia flower. Not joking. That's them, to the right. Doesn't it just make you ill?) I guess I really didn't realize the degree to which Korea loves everything adorable. It's like living in a Lisa Frank poster. Forever.

On an unrelated note, I'm going snowboarding tomorrow. Wish me luck, 'cause I'll damn sure need it.

Also, unfortunate news: so far, I'm 0 and 1. Northwestern was a no. Still waiting on the 13 other schools. I'll keep all of you updated as I hear back from the rest.

Meanderings

2009-02-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

I'm home again, back in the frigid cold of Korea that so unfortunately resembles that of Wisconsin. My trip was awesome, a really great time. It was also rather lengthy, however, so I'm not going to try to cram all two weeks' worth of activity into one blog post. Instead, I'll just do highlights and lowlights from each place. (What a great hair metaphor, hey? I really had to comb my vocabulary to come up with it.)
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Nick, are these puns going to perm-eate the entire blog post? 'Cause if so, I'm going to stop reading right now." Well, we'll see.

Hong Kong
We spent our first three nights in Hong Kong, which was kind of a bust for reasons which will soon become apparent. But, let's start on a positive note.

Highlight:
Possibly the coolest thing about Hong Kong was the appearance of the city itself. Hong Kong is a lovely city, the "pearl of the Pearl" that glitters in the mouth of China's Pearl River Delta. This beauty is especially apparent for those of us coming from Seoul, the "armpit of the East China Sea" that festers its way into our grudging hearts and, more importantly, our overwhelmed noses. (A caveat: I really like Seoul. It's a very entertaining city, and it can't be matched for night life and public transportation. It just also happens to be kind of stanky. And, really quite homely. Visiting Seoul is like eating Limburger cheese. Once your nose admits defeat, it really becomes quite enjoyable.)

Hong Kong gets even better at night--the city glows, almost every building has some creative external lighting system. It's stunning, really.

Lowlight:
This is an easy one: Max, one of the four guys with whom I was traveling, had his passport and money stolen from our guesthouse on our second day in Hong Kong. It was a big mess. The worst part was, it happened on Martin Luther King Day, so the US Embassy was closed for the holiday. This was especially problematic because our flight to Thailand left the next morning, so Max needed his passport pronto. He and Tyler ended up staying an extra day in Hong Kong to figure things out, and we met up with them later in Bangkok. It actually was quite easy to get a new passport--it happened within the day. So, everything worked out just fine, but it was still a stressful process. Needless to say, I was ready to leave Hong Kong when the time came.

Thailand
Our next five nights were spent in Thailand. For the first three nights, we went to Chiang Mai in the northern part of the country. The last two nights, we spent in Bangkok. Bangkok was OK, but Chiang Mai was amazing.

Highlight:
All of Chiang Mai. Such an amazing city. It was like Madison, but minus winter and plus elephants. Lots of cool restaurants and cafes, really great night life (the highlight of which was a Thai cover band with a lead singer wearing a Bon Jovi-esque mullet wig), numerous used book shops. Best of all, everything was so, so cheap. You could get dinner, with wine and dessert, for maybe $6. Without wine, $4. Our room at this awesome little guest house (probably the best room we had all vacation) was all of $27 total for the night. Amazing.

Highlight of Chiang Mai is probably the elephant-riding. Enter Stampy the Magnificent, my wonderful elephantine companion. Stampy was kind enough to cart Matt and I around for about an hour in exchange for about half a tree's worth of bananas. She was great.

She also had a daughter whom I named Stumpy. Stumpy really liked bananas. Stumpy just kind of hung around while Stampy brought home the bacon (bacon in this case being, of course, bananas) by carrying us around.

When we ran out of bananas (maybe ten minutes in--Stampy doesn't really do the whole moderation thing), Stampy got kind of salty and started going after my sandals. I think this is a clever ploy to extort more bananas from unwitting tourists. "Look, buddy, I'm still hungry, so either I eat your sandals or you find me some more bananas. Ball's in your court, friend." (Try to read that in something approaching Jon Stewart's Brooklyn accent. This is how I imagine Stampy talking.) Luckily, I was wearing Chacos, so they remained intact, though admittedly with a healthy layer of Stampy-snot.

Lowlight:
The 12-hour train rides to and from Chiang Mai. Both of them were night trains, which did not make them better. Mosquitoes, brown mystery stains on the wall next to your face, seats that recline but whose faux leather makes your butt slide off right after you fall asleep, "baclava," Thai-style, made evidently of cardboard and paste, reheated and served for breakfast. Bad news, all of it. Luckily, we had poker to lift our spirits and lighten our wallets.

Cambodia
Cambodia was without a doubt my favorite part of the trip. We spent six nights there--two in Phnom Penh, the night we arrived and the night before we left; two in Siem Reap; two at the beach in Sihanoukville.

Highlight:
Siem Reap was amazing for many, many reasons, not the least of which for the New York Times' travel guide. I followed their advice and had the Khmer tasting menu at Meric, a restaurant in the luxurious Hotel de la Paix, and it was easily one of the most amazing meals of my life. And, with wine pairings, it cost only $50. Incredible. (Side note: Cambodia does have its own currency, the riel, but they really just use American dollars. For change less than a dollar, you'll get riel, but everything else is cash dollars. It's refreshingly direct, in a way--kind of skipping the farce of international currency exchange. "Hey folks, let's be real: this riel crap is a joke. Dollars only, please.")

More amazing, however, was the Angkor Wat complex. It was truly one of the most visually interesting experiences I've ever had. It was overwhelming. You can't help but stagger under the weight of sheer history in such a place, one that has existed for millenia and within which you are an intruder, never meant to see its intricacies or know its meaning. It made me feel dizzy. It was really hot, though, so that dizziness may have been just a little bit of heat stroke.

The day I toured the temples of the Angkor complex, I separated from the other guys and went off on my own. There's a bit of my dad in me, I think, and sometimes I need some alone time. As approachable, friendly, and gregarious as my father is, occasionally he enjoys some time by himself.* Anyway, I rented a bicycle and rode from Siem Reap to Angkor Wat, then around to the various other temples in the complex--Bayon, Ta Promh, Angkor Thom (which is actually a city, not a temple). It was really beautiful.

My favorite temple was the Bayon temple in the center of Angkor Thom, which was the capital of the Khmer Empire for a time. The Bayon temple is famous for the some 270 stone faces on the sides of its many towers. It was mesmerizing--as you walk around the temple, these stone faces loom out of the shadows all around you. So beautiful.

Lowlight:
You know those traveler's pouches they sell? They clip around your waist and are made to hold passport, money, etc. and keep it safe, close to your body, and immune to pickpocketing. Well, wear one for two weeks straight and it gives you a nasty blister on your fucking thigh of all places. I can imagine few things more uncomfortable than thigh-blisters.

So, that's all for this post. I don't want to overwhelm all of you (which I may have already done). If you have any questions or comments or anything, post a comment, send an email, etc.

Here is the link to the album with all of the pictures I took, most of them with explanations of what you're seeing: I love boring travel slideshows!

*This makes sense only if you have met my father. He looks about as cuddly as a sea urchin. He's actually a big teddy bear, once you break through the crusty outer shell of burly, bearded impassivity into the creamy nougat center of sarcasm and love. A telling example: he collects baseball hats, and his favorite one reads "FUCK OFF". And people usually do.

Currying favor

2009-01-24T19:00:00.000-08:00

We're waiting in the Bangkok Airport for our flight to leave, and I'm left with some down time. So, it's time for a round of curry jokes, courtesy of Thailand's most amazing cuisine!

What do you call curry falling from the sky?
Flurry.

Where do teenagers write all of their secrets about curry?
In their diurry.

What do you call curry that's lost in translation?
Bill Murry.

What film co-stars Bruce Lee and curry?
Fists of Furry.

What do you call evil curry?
Lucifurry.

Where do you keep flying curry?
In the aviurry.

Where can you go to rent curry?
The librurry.

Whom does Hannibal Lecter want to eat with curry?
Clurrice.

Who was the original Agent Double-0 Curry?
Sean Connurry.

What do you call curry at a baseball game?
Harry Curry.

What do you call a book that describes all the different types of curry?
A dictionurry.

What do you call six people who want curry and six people who don't want curry?
A hung jurry.

What do you call the very first curry?
Ur-ry.

What do you call curry to die for?
Hari Kurry.

What's the country of curry?
Kurry-a.

What do you call dancing curry?
A ballurrina.

Whom do people sometimes see in their bowls of curry?
The Virgin Murry.

Special thanks to Mike Sanders for his help on this list. Also, I apologize to you all.

Cambodi-a-go-go

2009-01-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

Leaving in two days! I'm really excited. Side note: you won't hear from me for two weeks or so. Since I am at best a sporadic blogger, things won't really change much, but at least this time I'll have a good excuse for my lack of diligence.

I'm in the midst of packing (read: listening to NPR while pretending to pack, then distracting myself on the internets). Since all I can think about right now is my upcoming trip, I'm having difficulty coming up with exciting things to talk about. So, let's talk about my backpack! Yes, folks, I will be traveling for two weeks with only a single backpack. Possible? Yes. That is, as long as you don't mind smelling a bit rank by the end of it. Not to worry, though, we are all fully prepared for the forthcoming odors. It's worth it not to have a rolling suitcase, which becomes a huge nuisance with the kind of travel we're planning. When the available modes of transport consist of "motorbike taxi" (picture the awkward love-child of a motorcycle and a moped: very rickety, perpetually surrounded by a cloud of its own noxious exhaust, and with a convenient luggage basket that also serves to prevent you from flying off the back to your death) and "longboat ferry" (It's a fishing boat. Don't be fooled.), roll-away luggage ceases to be practical.

How did I manage to fit two weeks' worth of life into one backpack? It's easy: my backpack could house a small family. It hungrily swallows things that would overwhelm a lesser backpack. I've already packed two weeks' worth of underpants* and there's still more than enough space for such important items as my cologne (we won't have many opportunities to shower, so I plan to mask my stank with Dior and, if that fails, shamelessly blame those around me), my medicated shampoo (How cool am I? Really cool.), and, of course, my reading material (currently: Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie).

What's the itinerary? Well, first we'll be in Hong Kong for three nights. I'd like to tell you what we're doing there, but I don't really know. I'm sure it will be exciting and fun-filled and absurdly expensive, because Hong Kong is all of those things. Then, we'll go to Thailand for five nights. The first two nights we'll spend in Bangkok, where there is apparently much to see, notably including the red light district that our guidebook recommends visiting of an evening. No, my friends, we will not go a-whoring. Rather, we will go a-wandering around, which is apparently a perfectly legitimate and upstanding tourist activity, according to Lonely Planet. The accuracy of this remains to be seen. I am dubious.

Then, we will go to Ko Kood, a secluded island just to the south of mainland Thailand in the Gulf of Thailand. My plans include rotting on the beach and eating lots of curry. It will be awesome. Finally, it's on to Cambodia, which, for the record, requires an entry visa. How do you acquire said visa? It's easy! Just go online to their e-Visa website and fill out the e-Visa application. No, I'm not joking. Then, pay the $25 processing fee with a credit card or with PayPal. Yes, really. The same application that one uses to pay for collectible cat figurines on eBay can also be used to authorize international travel. Then , after a three-day processing period, the Cambodian government will email you your new visa so you can print it out and paste it into your passport. Easy, convenient, and completely ridiculous.

So, once in Cambodia, we'll spend a night or two in Phnom Penh, then move on to Siem Reap, which is very near Angkor Wat. I hope to spend as many nights there as possible, since the New York Times did a 36 Hours In... travel piece on Siem Reap and, since I do whatever the NYT tells me to, obviously I must visit all the places they recommend. We might go down to one of the beaches in the southern part of Cambodia if we have time, or we may take a day trip to Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. This, however, would require another e-Visa. Also, it would require us to pay Cambodia's exit fee twice. Yes, indeed, when in Cambodia, one must pay a $25 exit fee in order to leave. This practice seems all too appropriate in a country renowned for the extent and complexity of its network of bribing. "Here, corrupt Cambodian government, take my ransom money. I'd like to leave now, please." All joking aside, though, as much as I may complain, I really don't mind in the end. Poverty is ubiquitous in Cambodia, and if my $25 helps in some small way, then I'm only too glad to pay.

So, I hope all of you back in the Midwest enjoy your sub-zero weather and canceled classes! I'll think of you as I snorkel my way through the balmy Thai bays.

Oh, and here's the New York Times piece on Siem Reap, in case you're interested: I love Cambodia!

*Does anyone else think "underpants" is a hilarious word that should be used as often as possible? Well, I do. Underpants.

Baking in a toaster oven...

2009-01-07T06:27:00.000-08:00

doesn't work, just in case you were wondering. I had some free time tonight, so I decided to make some cookies. I tried to find some baking soda in the supermarket, failed, called Rachel and stole hers, and then settled down to make some chocolate chip deliciousness, only to be thwarted by the twin evils of excess flour and inconsistent oven heat. Interesting fact: Korean toaster ovens don't really come with temperature gauges. Instead, there is a dial with helpful pictures like a piece of toast and a pizza slice. So, I set my oven to chicken leg and put in the first batch, which promptly started on fire. Thankfully, my apartment has no smoke detector. Honestly, the Koreans use so many synthetic building materials that I don't think I even need one. I'm fairly certain that the only flammable thing in this place is the violently floral wallpaper, which I would not miss were it to burn.

Anyway, I turned the oven down to pizza slice and tried again. They didn't burn this time, but there was too much flour and not enough sugar in the dough. Note: this is not entirely my fault. The only measuring device I have is the cup that came with my rice cooker, and that uses the smiley face system of measurement. One smiley face on the bottom line, two smiley faces on the next line, and so on. I just threw in eight smiley faces worth of flour and hoped that was somewhere close to the right amount. Apparently it wasn't.

In the end, therefore, my cookies are rather far to the left of delicious, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to give them away anyway. The way I see it, I'd rather give out ass cookies and be known as a generous but rotten baker than throw them away and be known as a stingy bastard. It's all about your priorities. So, I will give away my crunchy little ass cookies and friends everywhere will proclaim, "Wow, Nick, thanks for the cookies! How generous you are. But there are so many! Perhaps you shouldn't bring any next time. Or ever again."

More important than the quality of my cookies (somewhere between "awful" and "dog food") is the fact that they exist at all. For, let it be known, I am done with graduate school applications! Now I have only to wait now until I begin hearing back from schools, which will probably be some time in February. The timing is especially great, as I just finished teaching English camp and now I am off until mid-February. My trip will begin a week from Saturday.

This vacation is wonderful! I now have time to waste on such activities as film-watching, cookie-baking, and, subsequently, cookie-ruining. Though, in tonight's case, it was probably the tragic combination of the first two that led to the third. I'll have to scale down the multitasking in the future, I think.

Incidentally, I've been on a letter-writing binge of late. I've been reading a lot of Jane Austen, and it's made me nostalgic for a time that valued written correspondence. So, if you'd like to receive a letter, send along your address.

Happy new year!

Barbershop

2008-12-22T04:36:00.001-08:00

One of my second-grade students called me over today as I was passing by him and his friends.

"Nick teacher! Nick teacher! A Capella!"

I wasn't really sure if this was a request or a statement, but, as I walked over to him, his three friends gathered around him and they all stuck their left feet into the middle of their half-circle. Then they sang their song, apparently entitled "Pretty Girl," which consisted of two lines:

"I want to sister!
I want to prettygirl!"

"Sister" and "prettygirl" were both sung in unison, and the rest of it was sung by the lead (who, incidentally, was the young man with the chicken hair). I write "prettygirl" as one word because that was how they sang it. Awesome.

Bon voyage!

2008-12-15T21:38:00.000-08:00

Winter break is almost upon us! It starts on December 27th--with all the logical prowess for which Korea is famed, we have Christmas Day off of school, come back for one day (the 26th), then promptly have vacation for a month and a half. This is especially unfortunate given my Christmas plans, which are to "get pissed and eat turkey," as my new Welsh friend Sally put it, at her and her boyfriend Shaun's flat in Dongducheon. We're going to do Christmas the British way, which is basically like American Christmas except you swap out the pies, the Christmas cookies, and the egg nog for gin, gin, and gin, respectively. This doesn't bode well for my Friday classes.

Then, Friday afternoon, I leave for a ski trip with all of my coworkers. This will be great, but one must keep in mind that I have no skiing experience at all. And, those who will teach me how don't speak my language. This is frightening for many reasons, not the least of which is that Sun Hwa wants me to snowboard with her. I think she assumes that, as an American, I must be really talented when it comes to cool things like snowboarding and guitar-playing. This is false. I am good at differently-cool things like cello-playing, book-reading, and debate-teaming. By "differently-cool" I of course mean "wedgie-inducingly nerdy." I was the kind of "cool" kid whose mother told him so as she tucked his inhaler into his hypoallergenic wool sweatervest.

For the record: there is a reason why I am a runner. I have no coordination. Any sport involving a ball and me inevitably ends tragically for either me, my team, the audience, or any combination of the above. Luckily, as skiing is ideally a non-contact sport, I need not worry about endangering others, only myself. That being said, for the next week I anticipate nightmares involving Sonny Bono and avalanches. Maybe a yeti or two, just to mix things up.

But, anyway, back on topic: winter vacation looms, and, after the first week, which will be devoted to teaching English camp at my school, I will be off of school until the second week in February. I've tacked myself on to a group of three guys, all from Madison, who are going to travel for two weeks during that time. We're going to Hong Kong, Thailand, and Cambodia. It promises to be a really great time--all the better for the blessed warmth in the latter two places. I hope to spend at least a few days rotting on a beach in the sun of southern Thailand. Ocean beaches are great, even though oceans themselves kind of freak me out--it's all that open water. I like to be able to see a shoreline in case something goes wrong like a gas leak or a giant squid attacking the boat. Then, I know I could swim to shore.*

In Cambodia, we're going to visit Angkor Wat, of course, and then wander around and see where we end up. I'm really looking forward to it. This is one of the main reasons why I came to Korea (that is, to travel around Asia while I have the chance), so I'm really excited for the opportunity. If any of you have visited any of these places and have suggestions, please let me know.

And, now, just to underline the coolness I outlined in my opening paragraph, I'm going to go back to reading quietly in my English zone.

Happy holidays to you all!

*This is absurd for two reasons. First of all, I am a horrible swimmer and would last probably ten minutes in the ocean. Second, if I were a hungry giant squid fresh from demolishing a boat, I'd be much more interested in that delicious little amuse-bouche floundering about in the water than the big boring hunk of plastic and metal that I just destroyed.

It's December?

2008-12-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

I've been here for three months? What?
Time flies when you're teaching middle school students/trying to convince graduate schools that you're indispensible to their English programs. Specifically the latter.

Just a warning, and an apology: my life for the next few weeks (and, for the past few weeks, for that matter) will be (has been) completely monopolized by grad school applications, so you may not see an update for a bit. Fear not, however. I shall return.

If in the meantime you feel a deep sense of loneliness and abandonment, you're free to read my personal statement for comfort. A preview: it's a gripping two-page, single-spaced outline of my academic interests, career goals, and reasons for applying to graduate school, all wonderously uncluttered with biographical information! It's an eye-droopingly good read.

A note about graduate school applications: they are evil. Also, they are ridiculous.
"What are you reasons for applying to the Berkeley English program? Please be specific. Limit 400 characters." Fishing for compliments in shallow water, there, Berkeley. Hard to extol your virtues in what amounts to maybe 100 words.
"Outline what financial resources you will have as you enter graduate school ." That's an oxymoron, NYU.
"Please enter your credit card number in the space below. Then press 'submit' to process the $105 application fee." Really, Stanford? Is the application printed on gold leaf?

The very best one: "We cannot guarantee that all graduate students will recieve financial support from the institution. While most graduate students recieve fellowships or assistantships, not all can be accomodated." Um, memo to Princeton: you have a $16 billion endowment. That amounts to $2.2 million per student. Per student. I think you can afford to foot the bill for your grad students' apartments.

Well, that's enough for now. Back to writing about how I can use my degree from Berkeley to benefit historically-underrepresented minorities in higher education.

uijeongbu english festival

2008-11-25T01:05:00.000-08:00

Monday: "Nick, would you like to help us with our school's English festival this Saturday?"
Sure, that would be great.

Wednesday: "Ok, Nick, you need to arrive at 12:30. You'll be interviewing students, and maybe you'll wear a mask?"
A mask? I guess. That sounds fine.

Friday: "Make sure you get there by 11:30. You need to get into your costume."
Wait...what?

Oh, right. The fox costume. Of course. What's with the garishly over-decorated basket?

"You go ask students questions and give candies if they answer in English."
Right. Fuchsia and orange totally match.

"Make sure you don't step on your tail! We must give back costumes after today."
Got it. Tail hygiene to be strictly observed.

Hey kids. Where do you go to school?
"Why are you a fox?"
If only I knew, children. If only I knew. Here's some candy.

Hey guys! Want to take a picture?
"Not really."
Ok, I'll just stand over here then.

"Hey, it's Dooly! [a popular Korean animated dinosaur. AKA Rachel.] Who's that weird fox?"
"Yeah, who is that guy?"

Money shot.

Group shot! Note the horrified girls in the middle.

Scaring children: come because you said yes before they told you about the costumes, stay because it's fun.

pop quiz!

2008-11-13T06:22:00.000-08:00

This quiz was created to help acclimate you to Korean life. Please answer according to your first instinct. Answer key follows.

1. You get on the subway. There is a non-Korean, presumably American, native English teacher quietly enjoying a book on an otherwise-empty row, with the seating arranged like so:
("_" is an empty seat, "0" is the teacher)
_ _ _ _ 0 _ _ _

Where do you sit?
A. Uncomfortably close to the teacher on his left side.
_ _ _ _ 0 X _ _
B. Uncomfortably close to the teacher on his right side.
_ _ _ X 0 _ _ _
C. A comfortable distance away, perhaps on the far end of the row.
X _ _ _ 0 _ _ _
D. This question is irrelevant because the seats are to be left for people who are old, sick, or pregnant. So, clearly you would stand uncomfortably close to him with your crotch at eye level.

2. You are a student. Your school's new English Zone just opened, and everything is brand new. What do you do on your first day there?
A. Write your name in permanent marker on the desk.
B. Draw a caricature of the teacher in permanent marker on the desk.
C. Carve your name in the desk using your safety scissors.
D. There's no time for any of that! I have to text my friend on my new cell phone, even though I'm only a 6th grader and it's ridiculous that I even have a cell phone. Also, my friend sits across the table from me.

3. It's school lunch time! Where does the rice go?
A. The right.
B. The left.
C. No, no, the right!
D. "Nick, why is your rice always on the wrong side?"

4. What's that in the soup?
A. Bean sprouts.
B. Warty sea squirt.
C. Chicken?
D. I ordered a cheeseburger.

5. 어떠십니까?
A. I'm fine, thanks.
B. Don't worry, it's not contagious.
C. No, no, I'm Canadian.
D. It's for medicinal purposes, officer.

6. How many bottles of soju can you drink?
A. One.
B. One and a half.
C. I'm a soju MASTER!
D. [I can't answer right now because my mouth is filled with soju.]

7. Who is your favorite student?
A. They're all my favorites!
B. The cute one. You know, the kid with the glasses.
C. That's a highly unethical question!
D. That's a highly unethical question! Definitely the kid with the glasses.

8. Oh no! You have a cold. What do you do?
Note: This is a common cold. Not pneumonia. Not ebola. Not consumption.
A. Go to the hospital.
B. I really think you should go to the hospital.
C. Are you sure you don't have to go to the hospital?
D. Die.

Answer key:
1. A and B are both correct! D is only acceptable if all seats are already filled by the elderly, the infirm, or the pregnant (or some combination of the three).
2. D. Clearly.
3. You tell me.
4. I never really liked soup.
5. 여보세요.
6. I don't remember.
7. You're going to have to be more specific.
8. D only results if A, B, and C are neglected.

a festering pustule of a president

2008-11-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/04/opinion/04tue1.html?hp

If I saw George W. Bush on the street today, I would punch him in the crotch.

Too bad I'm in Korea, making this scenario even less likely than before. Also, too bad I didn't buy those brass knuckles from the old lady in the subway. Nothing spices up a crotch-punching like brass plating. For the record--yes, the old lady was selling brass knuckles, right alongside fedoras, fake jewelry, arm warmers and, of course, dried squid. Nice to know you can satisfy your cravings for brutal street violence and squid jerky in one convenient stop.

Incidentally, when not obsessively reading the New York Times in preparation for the election, I have been spending my time mired in grad school applications. Currently I'm working on my statement of purpose, which, according to Dr. Steven Myers of UC-Berkeley, is "an enjoyable process" that rewards you with a "chance to look inside yourself" and achieve "better understanding of who you are."

HEAR YE, HEAR YE. Let it be known that Dr. Steven Myers is a lying sack of crap.

Though, he was right on one front. I did look inside myself, and I found someone who loathes statement-writing and who wants to punch Dr. Steven Myers in the crotch.

As long as we're on the subject, though...if anyone wants to hear me state my purpose, and then critique said purpose-statement, I would welcome the input.

And, finally, to continue with a running theme, this is the latest entertaining Nick-student exchange:
[in class while talking about dating and relationships]
Me: So, how would you ask somebody on a date?
Gu Yong: You-me date!
Me: Well, it has to be a question, right?
Gu Yong: You-me date! Ok?

Perhaps you had to be there, but it was hilarious.

one of the most entertaining parts of my job...

2008-10-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

is the terms the kids come up with when they don't know the word for something.

Today I taught a lesson on last week's sports festival. They never know the name of "tug-of-war," but I always ask to see if they can come up with anything because they know "rope" and some other related words.

Today I got "big rope hurry-up." It's sometimes really hard not to laugh in class.

Sports Day

2008-10-26T01:16:00.000-07:00

Friday was Day 2 of the school festival, the sports day. The kids really enjoyed it. Also, there were no deluges, lightning, or ruined sound equipment, and so it was notably more successful than Day 1 of the festival.

Each class made their own T-shirts and dressed up in an outfit to match. This is one of my favorite classes--their homeroom teacher (who was, for the record, a young, tiny Korean lady) dressed up as Superman.

This was one of my favorite T-shirts. If you can't make it out, it says "The Sexy Face." What?

The first activity was this race, where all the students in the class line up in a row and bend over. Then, the smallest, lightest student runs across their backs. The whole class has to keep moving ahead of him to recreate the line and make it to the end of the field.
Dangerous? Yes. Several students fell. No deaths were reported.

This was the six-legged race. It was hilarious. So many students fell. I shouldn't laugh at students' pain, but I couldn't help myself sometimes. I didn't feel very bad because at least I wasn't laughing and pointing like some of the other teachers.

Jump rope and tug-of-war were next. Then, 400-meter relay races. The kids were so into the relay races. It was awesome. This is the winner of the third-grade relay race (the students start over in grade number at each new school. So, middle school has Grades 1, 2, and 3--which translate as American Grades 7, 8, and 9 respectively). What a finish, right?

It was a great time. The kids were really relaxed and having a good time, so a lot of them tried, with varying degrees of success, to talk with me in English.

After the students went home, all the teachers went to dinner together for a "dinner meeting" (translation: eat a lot of food and drink even more beer, all on the school's dime. Koreans know how to make meetings fun. all it takes is alcohol, apparently). It was kind of a bummer, though, because the food wasn't that great. We had kimchi jjigae, which is kimchi stew with sliced Spam and hot dogs. I was less than enthusiastic. So, I just drank beer with Sun Hwa. It all worked out in the end.

More pictures in this album:
Deokjeong Fest '08!

Welcome to the Deokjeong Middle School....Drag Show?

2008-10-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

So, today is our school's festival, a two-day extravaganza of sports, competitions, games, and an exhibition of the students' work. We've spent all week preparing for it. I, for example, spent yesterday morning cutting out yellow heart stickers for use in Sun-Hwa's poster. It's very serious business.

The students have been looking forward to this for the entire month--it's a nice post-midterm break when they can relax and have a good time. This week I made my lessons fun and non-English intensive, figuring (correctly) that they would be less than diligent. I taught a lesson about music using this video
http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=LCDsbFCqWtI

The best part of this lesson was when I got two students in two different classes to do tectonic dancing in front of the class. It was awesome.

Anyway, so the festival began this morning with the Miss Deokjeong competition. I naively assumed this was some kind of beauty contest. I was partially right. It's actually a drag show featuring a bunch of 7th and 8th grade boys dressed in miniskirts and tube tops.

Really?
Yes.

If that weren't enough, it proceeds with, of course, a dance competition.

awkward.

Apparently the performers can call up anyone they want to dance with them. I found this out firsthand when a 13-year-old in a denim miniskirt and a polka-dot bra called me up onstage to dance with him. I've never felt so awkward in my life. Not to mention the fact that, if I had been in America at that point, I probably would have been arrested.

My favorite part of the whole process was when Yim Hun Sook, the Chinese Character teacher, asked me if I had anything like this in the US. If he had known enough English to catch sarcasm, I would have said, "Yes, well, American parents just love drag shows. Especially when it involves their young children dancing with partners of the same sex. So, most schools try to have one at least once a semester. All the families come, and they watch and cheer. Sometimes the fathers get really upset if their child doesn't win, and they get angry and fight with each other." Unfortunately, sarcasm doesn't really work here.

I just said "No."

Also, for lunch today we had a pizza topped with potatoes, various other unidentifiable toppings, and the Star of David drawn in ranch dressing. Why? I do not know. Ironically, there was bacon on the pizza too.

favorite part of today:

2008-10-09T21:04:00.000-07:00

When one of my seventh graders wanted to describe his hair in English, but he didn't know the word "mohawk," so he said "chicken hair." I love Korea.

Second favorite part of today:
When Yeong Ju, one of the PE teachers, sent me a message asking how I am and what I plan to do over the weekend. It was rife with errors, of course, and I usually don't correct them because their goal is not perfection but rather simple communication. Anyway, immediately afterward she sent me another message:

oh my god!!i have had a mistaken!!
"i had a good time on yesterday for you" is wrong..
'i had a good time on yesterday with you' is right...
i think you(who like angel...) will understand me..(:ㅇ)
enjoy your meal!!

She also apologized for her mistaken at lunch. I didn't know what to say, or how to describe the irony of that statement.

The "good time" she refers to is the hiking trip all of the teachers took yesterday afternoon. It was the final day of midterms, and we had the afternoon off, so, this being Korea, we of course climbed a mountain. Then we went to this restaurant called "Sicily" (though it had absolutely nothing to do with Italian food) and ate their specialties, duck and pumpkin. The main course was an entire cooked pumpkin filled (literally, full) with duck meat. It was delicious, but also a little strange. And it felt odd drinking beer in front of the principal. This is apparently not at all a problem in Korea, though, where it's accepted practice to go out with your supervisors and drink excessively. It's an interesting place, to be sure.

I tried to take pictures at the top of the mountain, but, as technology exists solely to thwart me, I actually took videos. So, I will just post those instead. Enjoy!

Yi Seunghwan and I (she's a Korean teacher. I owe most of my [meager] Korean skills to her). Also a great view of my Chacos.

Heon Joon and I.

I'm bad at cameras. My apologies to all.

Note to those of us running for presidential office:

2008-10-06T00:16:00.000-07:00

It's "nuclear." Not "nucular."

things I love about Korea

2008-10-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

1. Gin.
Gin is $4 a bottle here (milk is significantly more expensive than gin, a fact that has dangerous implications for my morning bowl of cereal). And, they carry it at the supermarket across the street from my apartment, as Rachel, Adam and I found out last week. Here I thought I was going to have an unfortunately ginless year, but Korea came through in the end. Sadly, limes are not a possibility, though lemons make a passable substitute.

2. The Seoul Metro
It's really easy to use, and makes me feel so urbane and metropolitan. Also, it smells suprisingly not like ass.

3. Jim jil bang
Jim jil bang are overnight spas where one can spend the night for around $7. They're everywhere in Seoul. And, before you go to bed, you can shower, go into one of the many jacuzzis or saunas, and get a massage. Downside: you have to sleep on the floor. Also, everyone is naked.

4. All-night dance clubs
They are great, and surprisingly inexpensive. Note: the performers often strip. That fact, however, does not make these strip clubs, apparently, because they sing, dance, then strip. I don't fully understand why they couldn't just stick to the singing and dancing and keep the clothes intact, but I don't make the rules. Just don't be surprised when there's a lead singer or two dancing around in a G-string.

5. Po-sam
Po-sam is the shit. It is like a lettuce wrap, but spicier. You go to the restaurant and sit down (on the floor) in front of this table with a grill in the middle. They bring you a big plate of raw meat, which you then grill and eat. You wrap a small piece of meat in lettuce with hot sauce (chili paste, garlic, chili pepper), bean sprouts, some spicy vegetable deal, more garlic (usually half a clove), and soybean paste. It's delicious. Note: don't come to Korea if you don't like garlic. Garlic is to Korea as cheese is to Wisconsin: it's in everything. Also, make sure you have water. It's really spicy. Your tongue will die a little, but in a wonderful way.

6. Mr. Bae
Mr. Bae is the senior teacher at my school. That means he's one step below the vice principle. Every day he comes over to my desk at least once to ask me a question. Each day he tries a different topic so he can practice different vocabulary. He's wonderful. He supposedly teaches science, but apparently in Korea, the older you get the fewer classes you have. So, actually he teaches perhaps two classes a day, while my co-teacher Mi Hee teaches like six. I think he spends equal amounts of time talking to me as teaching the students.

7. Korean children
They are adorable. Also, if you wave to them on the subway, sometimes they will wave back. Every once in a while you'll even get a quiet "annyeong haseyo." Other times, they will cry because the scary white guy is frightening them. It's a tossup, but I usually take the chance because it's really great when you get a smile and a wave back.

8. The teachers at Deokjeong
They are the nicest people ever. Also, they seem to have an inexhaustible supply of candy. I feel like Hansel (as in "-and Gretel").

닉 호 랏 리 고

2008-09-29T05:29:00.000-07:00

That means "Nicholas Rego." I'm learning Korean. Slowly.

The language actually makes a lot of sense, once you get over the complete lack of any resemblance to Romantic alphabets.

Also, it's a great way to renew waning novelty. For example, if you're becoming old news around your school, learn a new alphabet. Then, practice by spelling the other teachers' names in front of them. Ask them to correct any errors. They will love you.

It worked for me. You'd have thought I'd cured cancer.
Choi Ji-Yeon: "Oh, Nick, you are so clever!"
Kim Sun-Hwa: "Nick, I am very impressed by your diligence!"
Han Jin: "nick, your effort is best (sic)!"
My personal favorite: "Nick, you are so considerate and thoughtful." Actually, Mi Hee, if I had really been considerate and thoughtful, I would have learned Korean before I came. But that's not going to stop me from taking the cookie you're offering me.

Travel tip: this is also a great way to get candy and pastries. If you want to improve your chances, make an endearingly small error in spelling. They will gently correct you and give you candy so you don't despair. I think it triggers some kind of innate teacherly response that forces them to reward effort with refined sugar. Whatever it is, it's wondrous. And fattening.

This tactic has also helped me to flush out those teachers who speak English but are too shy or embarrassed to approach me. The teachers all eat together in the "Broadcast Room," which is a misnomer; it's really just the teachers' lunch room and the place where they banish naughty children. Whenever I sit down, the other teachers always direct a flurry of translation requests at the Korean English teachers--"You say, 'How was your weekend?'" "Do you like the soup today?" "Are you single?" (Incidentally, this last is not a pickup line, it's just a conversation starter. I had a few scares about that one before I realized.) The English teachers translate all of this, but the other teachers never actually ask. They just sit quietly and stare into their soup. So, I wave to them, try ineptly to spell their names in my soup with my chopstick, make a few glaring errors, and voila! we're on our way to being best friends. Today, I met Choi Bo-Ra. Bo-ra means "violet." I spelled her name "Cho Bo-Ru." Bo-ru means "trashcan." I'm great.

Below is a link to pictures from my last hiking trip--Baegundae Mountain in Bukhansan. Really beautiful.
http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2454695&l=a710f&id=8603850

Lucy.

2008-09-23T06:56:00.001-07:00

Meet Lucy.

He is my nemesis.

Lucy is short for Lucifer. This seemed appropriate, as he is bright, shiny, and evil. Oh, how I hate him.

Nick, you might say, why ever do you loathe so intensely something so small and adorable?
Ah, I reply, that is how he gets you. With his beautiful, comely exterior. Then he betrays you with his Korean menu, his Korean text messaging, and his Kelly Clarkson ringtone that you cannot change. Why can't you change it? Because his menu is in Korean.

Note that his screen is a mirror when he is not being used. This is so you can look into your own rage-filled eyes as you struggle vainly to make him function. He is clever, Lucy is.

Incidentally, my new phone number is 010-4447-4090. If you call me, I and all those around me will have the pleasure of a few rousing choruses of "Because of You," courtesy of my devil-phone.

Koreans don't mess around.

2008-09-19T18:18:00.000-07:00

For the record, "hiking" is a misleading term in Korea. "Hiking" implies a pleasant sort of horizontality to which we American hikers are accustomed, in our own national parks. Perhaps a more accurate term would be "climbing your sorry way up the mountainside." Though there were some sporadic horizontal parts where the weak Americans could sprawl for some respite while the Koreans and their children (yes, children) passed us by on their own way up the mountain.
For the record, though, it was without a doubt worth the effort. As you can see by the pictures, it was a gorgeous hike, one which I plan to repeat this weekend, if I have time. Once we reached the mountain's peak, we could see the entire national park spread out around us, and Seoul off in the distance. It was breathtaking. That is to say, it took what little breath I had left after climbing the damn mountain.
To the right is a picture of the last part of the climb up to the peak. As I was climbing, I saw those railings and assumed that there was a staircase up to the peak. Oh, silly, foolish me. It was just a railing that you had to use to pull yourself along the ridgeline. It was actually a bit frightening--there was only a metal railing between you and a drop of several thousand feet. But, we prevailed. ("Prevailed" of course meaning "didn't die.")
Below is a link to my album with more pictures. Take a look, if you have a minute. It was really beautiful.
http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2447732&l=36a87&id=8603850

"Oh, and you'll be teaching a conversation class after school. Alone. With no translator. Good luck! By the way, it starts this afternoon."

2008-09-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

This week was my first week of teaching at Deokjeong Middle School in Yangju City. It went well, overall, but was challenging. Things have gone especially well since I discovered that candy is a motivator that transcends the culture gap. A valuable discovery. Also, I secretly suspect that the sixth graders have absolutely no idea what I'm saying, but just say "Ok" whenever I stop for questions. In any event, though, the students are very nice, and very enthusiastic--I'm the first American many of them have met. They are also very loud, especially the girls. Next week's lesson: gerunds.
The teachers at my school have been very kind and welcoming. In the past week I've gone to three evening "meetings" with different groups of teachers ("meeting" apparently being the Korean term for "dinner and lots of alcohol paid for by the most senior teacher"), and next week I will start a conversation class with some of the teachers who want to improve their English skills. Most of them are very shy with their English, so they usually don't say much, if anything, and instead bring me candy or baked goods. Or, as was the case today, an entire dried squid. I thanked Sun Hwa, the squid-giver, profusely, as this is apparently a delicacy, but I decided to name, not eat, the squid. Squidley is currently residing in the bottom drawer of my refrigerator, and will probably continue so for a while. I doubt he'll go bad.
Yesterday, while on my evening run, I randomly met a 52-year-old retired Korean army officer. I ran past him, and he caught me up and ran, and talked, with me for the duration. When we finished, he insisted on getting my email address so he could invite me to dinner at the military base where he works. This was remarkable not just for its generosity, but also for the fact that a 52-year-old ran 8K with no problem. I hope I'm half as spry when my 52nd rolls around.
This weekend is Chuseok, one of the national holidays--it's kind of like Thanksgiving--so we have a five-day weekend beginning tomorrow (Friday). I plan to go mountain-climbing at Bukhansan National Park on Saturday, and to Seoul on Sunday. So, check back after the weekend to see some photos.
Left and right are photos of my apartment, the decor of which I have thanks to the diligence of Mi Hee, my Korean co-teacher. She has been most helpful. She's very motherly, and also very concerned about my lack of cell phone. Almost as concerned as she was when she discovered my apartment lacked curtains, a travesty which she quickly remedied. So, please enjoy my newly-curtained abode. It's humble and small, but very nice. And, so far it has neither flooded nor become infested with insects, mice, squirrels, or other various woodland creatures, and is therefore a vast improvement from my last Madison house.

fare me well

2008-08-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
Tennyson, Ulysses

...I figure if I have to study for the English Lit subject test, everybody else should too.

So, nothing exciting to say yet, as I am currently still in Hartford, and will continue so until Wednesday. So, if you would like to see me before I leave, you should do so before then.

I'll be updating this as often as possible/when exciting things happen, so check back now and again to see what's going on in the Far East.

Au revoir (I don't know Korean, so French will have to suffice),
Nick